Giving an account of my life.

by Yvette van Niekerk

I am in my late fifties and I do not want to become bitter and twisted, I want to be a child of God even in my old age.

“There is nothing covered that will not be revealed, nor hidden that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have spoken in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have spoken in the ear in inner rooms will be proclaimed on the housetops.” Luke 12: 2 – 3

“There is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.” Hebrews 4: 13

In reading these scriptural passages I must tell you I am frightened, I have a tendency to speak my mind and it can be brutal many times. I am quick on the draw when I feel threatened or even pushed into a corner.

The realization that I am going to give an account of my life before a living God, is very frightening. This means I need to start watching my words, my actions and my attitude in general. I need to come straight with God. Starting today, better to deal with my sinful nature immediately than let it slid. I am trusting in God to reveal to me the sins I cannot see, which I want to confess and get rid of.

I know there are consequences for my sin, reading Psalm 32 verse 3 to 4 “When I kept silent, my bones grew old through my groaning all the day long. For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; my vitality was turned into the drought of summer.” The funny thing is for a long time I have been feeling miserable and really my bones have become tender. I then realized I need to confess the sins in my own life and I am truly feeling much better.

I seem to resent someone very close to me, this person can irritate me to the extent that I can become really bitter. I am struggling to let go of the things this person does to make my life difficult but then I started to forgive. I am not 100% on track at the moment but I am working with my negative thoughts and dealing with my reaction towards this person.

I realize that resentment is a form of sin, and until I stop focusing my negative thoughts on their bad behavior I cannot come free from the resentment and I am afraid it will turn into bitterness. I finally came to a point where I decided to speak honestly with God. I confessed this matter of resentment and hurt to God in Jesus Christ name. I feel much better and I do not focus on their behavior any more, I am even praying for them.

Psalm 38 verse 3 – 5 “There is no soundness in my flesh because of Your anger, nor any health in my bones because of my sin. For my iniquities have gone over my head; like a heavy burden they are too heavy for me. My wounds are foul and festering because of my foolishness.”

My life is hard enough and I cannot hold onto resentment which will cause me to suffer with old dry and weak bones. What about you?

Prayer

Father God, please accept my prayer today, I confess that I have become resentful towards these people I have named and I want to pray forgive me. I have sinned against You and them. I ask humbly forgive me for the thoughts I have harbored against them. Words I spoke out and thought which do not glorify You. I know I am in contradiction to Your commands. I believe You have forgiven me and I am set free in Jesus Christ’s name. Amen